As of last week I had another birthday. I became another year older, and yet I am still very young, a mere 23, but I feel like I am much older. I have gone through things that no one should have to go though, let alone a 23 year old. Who has a stillbirth so young? When you hear someone has a stillbirth you think that they are older, people who aren’t in their ‘prime’.
But here I am, a 23 year old childless mother. A childless mother who is now struggling to conceive again. Another thing to add on to my ‘but I’m only 23’ list, fertility, or in my case struggling with fertility. Sometimes I wish life would just cut me a break, I don’t mind the struggles I have, as my Dad says it builds character, but sometimes I just want something to go my way.
At least this year I wasn’t dreading my birthday, I actually forgot it was around the corner, and then bam, it was here. I had no time to be sad or happy, all I could do was be focused on cooking food at work and being completely smashed by customers. I didn’t even get a second to light my ‘Ryker candle’ (a candle we light on special occasions), however Facebook did remind me that I had our first major ultrasound of Ryker on my birthday.
How can life just be so ‘blah’ on a day I used to look forward to so much?