Taboo

Why is stillbirth, infant loss, miscarriage and infertility such a taboo subject? I admit before I had my stillbirth I didn’t know much about any of it, but after you experience any of them you wish you where told before. The subject needs to be spoken about. The parent’s of these children need to acknowledge their child/children/babies I fore one am very open about my loss I have not shied away and I refuse too. My baby was here. I carried him for 40 weeks and 4 days. Had he of taken a breath I would of received a death certificate along with his birth certificate.

No matter the loss, big or small these babies where wanted and women tend to be the worse for the whole you need to move on. No. I do not need to move on. No parent/grandparent/sibling needs to move on. We are grieving the loss of a life. There is no time limit on grief and those that believe that there is have obviously never lost anyone.

The subject of stillbirth needs to not be taboo. I hate people who tell me I need to “Move on” , “Everything happens for a reason” or my personal favourite “You will have another one”. No I will not move on, would you move on if your son of 13 died? I doubt it. Everything happens for a reason, well no. My son belongs with his mother. And you will have another one, well that ‘other one’ will not replace the one I lost.

This is for all the mothers who have been shamed, told to shut up, or just like to keep quiet, unfortunately for the world I’m not one to keep quiet.

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26 thoughts on “Taboo

  1. I’m still told to move on, even though I have another one…

    My personal favourite is “God must have needed them”… Tell me, which child will you willingly hand over and live without, because, some deity decided to steal them from your arms…

    People suck.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Good for You Dneika! You sound like one very strong, wise woman. I would be honored to follow the words and thoughts of such a unique, admirable person. Keep smiling, you look gorgeous in it!
    ~slave bri

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It takes a strong person and woman to talk about this kind of pain. My deepest sympathies, and my most loudest KUDOS for talking about this subject and your loss. Do not keep quiet about this. And your Ryker is a handsome lil fella! ❤ He lives on in you both ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There are no words for your pain. But i will still say that I am sorry for the grief you are going through. I recently completed a grief small group. I am including a link to the book and companion journal we used. I felt it was the first I have read that allows the grief stricken sojourner to find a way to heal in a healthy way. I cannot explain it fully, bit it was a lovely journey with some wonderful people. I gave a copy to a friend whose husband died recently. She is 40. Loss is terrible. Integrating it and being allowed to mourn is the beginning of living again. Bless you in this difficult journey.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi sexy Dneika !
    You have a very nice blog, thank you very much ….💗💗💗

    If you like my movie trailer blog then please follow me …. 🙂

    Like

  6. I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve never gone through what you have, but I agree with what you say. I also think it’s great that you are sharing your experiences to both help you cope and to help others. Also, thank you for liking my post.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thank you for visiting my blog, and making the decision to follow me. I can’t even begin to comprehend how much your loss is changing you, and I won’t leave you with any platitudes to suffer through…it sounds like you’ve plenty already.

    All I can offer is another set of compassionate eyes (mine) to read your words…and a bit of humor when you read my blog in return.

    Sending sunshine and beautiful thoughts your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I have come to your blog after you followed a charity I co-founded, Tiny Sparks WA. Your words are so beautifully crafted and touch so deeply. Whilst I am fortunate to have two beautiful sons, my waters broke with my youngest at 15 weeks and I was advised to consider terminating (we couldn’t bear the thought) and I had two miscarriages. Loss is loss and needs to be spoken of. Thank you from our community for sharing your very personal journey. I would love permission to share your blog on our page, or if you would consider being a guest blogger on our website http://www.tinysparkswa.org.au.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dneika, your blog is one of the saddest and, at the same time, one of the most beautiful ones I’ve seen. As I’ve read the posts about your journey of grief, I am both amazed at your courage and grateful to learn about your sweet boy. I’m also sorry that anyone would even think to say something like “move on” or any of the other comments you mentioned. Sometimes it’s with perhaps the best intentions that the stupidest things are said. Huge, huge hugs to you and I pray for continued healing and comfort.

    Liked by 1 person

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