Wow, a year today.
At exactly 4:55 PM today you arrived into this world, at 40 weeks and 4 days I was more than ready to meet you, and find out who you where going to become.
It just doesn’t feel like it was a year ago, it doesn’t seem like a year ago today that I thought you would be joining us in this world and coming home with us, but I guess thats life. Full of surprises, even if they aren’t the type of surprises you want. The last year I have gone through so many emotions, sometimes I can’t even comprehend what I am feeling. All I know for sure is that I love you with all my heart.
I don’t even know how I have emotionally survived this year, all I can really but it down too is you. I think of all the things and events we have missed together, and in some ways these events make me stronger, I fight harder, I battle my emotions everyday, just so I can believe you are proud of me, proud to call me your mother. Even if I never hear you call me ‘Mum’.
Today is hard, but I hold my head up high, proud to share your memory with the world. Happy to be able to talk about you to those who are unexpected. Sad because I can’t share these days and moments with you, and maybe a little depressed at the thought of never holding you again. Anxious to meet you again one day and confused on how I am able to smile after everything we have been through.
Happy 1st Birthday Ryker Jon; everyone misses you, but most importantly we love you. My hopes and dreams may have been dashed when you died, but my world still revolves around you.