Happy 1st Birthday

Wow, a year today.

At exactly 4:55 PM today you arrived into this world, at 40 weeks  and 4 days I was more than ready to meet you, and find out who you where going to become.

It just doesn’t feel like it was a year ago, it doesn’t seem like a year ago today that I thought you would be joining us in this world and coming home with us, but I guess thats life. Full of surprises, even if they aren’t the type of surprises you want. The last year I have gone through so many emotions, sometimes I can’t even comprehend what I am feeling. All I know for sure is that I love you with all my heart.

I don’t even know how I have emotionally survived this year, all I can really but it down too is you. I think of all the things and events we have missed together, and in some ways these events make me stronger, I fight harder, I battle my emotions everyday, just so I can believe you are proud of me, proud to call me your mother. Even if I never hear you call me ‘Mum’.

Today is hard, but I hold my head up high, proud to share your memory with the world. Happy to be able to talk about you to those who are unexpected. Sad because I can’t share these days and moments with you, and maybe a little depressed at the thought of never holding you again. Anxious to meet you again one day and confused on how I am able to smile after everything we have been through.

Happy 1st Birthday Ryker Jon; everyone misses you, but most importantly we love you. My hopes and dreams may have been dashed when you died, but my world still revolves around you. 

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4 thoughts on “Happy 1st Birthday

  1. My heart is with you. My mother went through the same experience many years ago, and my heart is with her, too. My heart is with all families who have lost their babies this way.

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