Right now, I don’t love myself completely. I hate myself actually. I am not happy with who I am anymore. I used to be completely happy with myself, but as life moves on, the person who I am right now is numb. And that’s not how I want to spend the rest of my life. Numb from all the pain, I need the pain to make sure Ryker was real. Numb from fear, I used to fear death, now I welcome it, that’s not a healthy way to live. Numb from happiness, I notice the happiness in my life, I know its there, but I don’t feel the happiness. Numb from love, I love my partner, but I am on about self love, I have completely lost it.
So its time I start to be happy with myself, love myself. Its a hard thing for me to admit, I don’t love myself. But I need too. I don’t want to have a family where all they learn from me is self hate. And what better time to fix that problem?
Ryker’s death changed me, and this is one change I need to fix.