Numb with a side of Emotions.

When I tell Ryker’s story I’ve noticed I am numb. The other person who I am telling his story too can be bawling their eyes out and I just tell them like it’s what’s on the menu. I give no emotion. I have no reaction. Maybe I’ve just gotten so good at rehearsing my speech that, that’s all it is now. A speech I give to those who want to listen, it’s just on repeat. It’s like I’ve removed myself from the emotions.

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I don’t feel bad about this, I guess I’ve put it down to my coping mechanism, and I am ok with that.

Don’t get me wrong, with some people, like my partner I still break down on a bad day, but all together if I talk to a friend the emotions are gone. I still find it hard to talk about Ryker, but once I get started I go on autopilot.

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One thought on “Numb with a side of Emotions.

  1. Nothing wrong with auto pilot its your body protecting you….I do the same when I talk about my sister who we lost unexpectedly in 2007…….its a good thing I think…like you the emotion is still raw and very much there……with that I hope your doing well…..xxxkat.

    Liked by 1 person

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