Sweet White Wine

On to my 2nd glass of sweet white wine, and it has got me thinking. I don’t want to be able to be sipping this ice cold wine, I don’t want the little buzz I get after a glass (It only takes 1 these days), I don’t want to WANT to feel this buzz. How can this buzz make me feel so different? So changed?

Tim and I decided about 4 month’s ago that we wanted to ‘try’ again, and so we have. But nothing has happened, and I am sick of this nothing. Even deciding to ‘try’ again was a hard decision, and then when nothing happens it’s like a massive slap in the face. As if to say you had your chance already, now you have to wait longer.

I know when I feel this buzz though that all go’s away, I don’t think about wanting ‘try’, I don’t think about my loss of Ryker, I don’t think about how lonely I feel when left to my own devices. This buzz makes me thoughtless. Even if I only have 2 glasses of my favorite sweet white wine.

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4 thoughts on “Sweet White Wine

  1. Take care, Dneika and hang in there. Not just because things might suddenly turn around and be fine, perfect, okay but because of who you are now and the good that surrounds you. The people who love you. I get a bit frustrated with movies and novels where the happy ending is inevitable no matter what hell they’ve been through and I know from myself that real life is much tougher. At least, it can be. We had no trouble conceiving but I know many who have and friends who lost children and I understand, at least on a cognitive level, this grief is in a league all of it’s own. I’m sure talking to others who have been through this and no doubt you are connecting with them via your blog, who have been there as well. Take care and bug hugs xx Rowena

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  2. Remember good things comes to all those that wait….give it time,,,,don’t rush, don’t get frustrated just take deep a breathe and let nature do its thing….and stop feeling guilty for letting the wine remove the pain…no one judges you for that…and you should stop and let yourself have some pleasure, trust me your not going to ever forget Ryker, he is permanently in your heart, but it is okay to let the pain rest….remember him with the love you hold for him, it doesn’t always have to be painful…..I am so excited you are trying again….but remember to relax…glad to see you on here…xxxkat

    Liked by 1 person

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