4 Months Today 19/05/2015

4 months today, 4 months have come and gone, and I feel like its back to day 1. Ryker should be grabbing about anything in his reach, including my hair, I should want to remove my necklace so he doesn’t break it. Instead I’m wearing a necklace with his foot and hand prints.

I should be trying to keep everything and anything out of Ryker’s mouth, but instead I’m deciding if I should get out of bed today or just slip into a coma for the day.

By 4 months Ryker should most definitely be sleeping through the whole night now, but instead his never going to wake up.  I should be looking out for whether or not Ryker has any eye problems, and if his eyes are lightening or darkening.10997170_10152809685168922_398016248_n

Ryker at 4 months would be learning to be an effective communicator, he would be expressing himself through coos, oohs and ahhs, he should be squealing, gurgling and laughing. He should be using his face to express a wide range of emotions, from a beaming happy smile, to a crunched-up angry face, to an open-mouth surprise.

I should be singing completely off-tune to a cute little baby, but now I’m lucky to even listen to music. And wondering whether or not his would stay golden or if it would go red, like it does in the sun.

I know Tim is feeling anger right now, but all I feel today is misery. I should finally be starting to reach some milestones with Ryker and instead I’m deciding what type of day I am going to have.11004293_10152809685153922_447718728_n


13 thoughts on “4 Months Today 19/05/2015

  1. Great..!!!! 4 months are over and still your child is looking as sweet as when he was born…!!!! Time just went by… I wish god that your family gets all the happiness and success in life…!!!! Keep posting…!!!!😊😊😋😋👍👍


  2. I know that sometimes no words are best, but I wanted to tell you I think your son is beautiful and your writing is very moving. I am sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Brought To You By Ryker | All Things Chronic

  4. A beautiful baby boy….he makes a spectacular angel….how wonderful to have Ryker looking down over you and your husband taking care of you now….there must of been a need in Heaven for him greater than here on earth….even though your pain is deep I hope you are at least getting some relief knowing that he had a greater mission in store for his young life with the Lord, I have lived with the belief that the Lord does not give us more that we can handle…..

    Liked by 1 person

  5. What a perfect little guy. My heart goes out to you. We’ve miscarried two (18 and 12 weeks) and while that’s a different situation, I understand how painful it is to think about each little milestone they should be meeting. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I want to send blessings to you. Big bright blessings to light your journey as you and Tim learn to live with this part of your life. Ryker will always be your baby. And you will get through this, one baby step at a time. How lucky Ryker was to have two parents who love him so much. You are a strong mother. You always will be. Even when you don’t feel like it, it’s there.

    Liked by 1 person

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