Not Another One…

Another pregnancy announcement, another new baby, another new life; I feel nothing when these things are announced. I don’t mean too. I wish I could feel joy, just a little speck of it. But I don’t. I don’t feel anything; no happiness or joy, no bitterness or anger, not even an ounce of jealousy. Nada, nothing, maybe it’s my brain shut off, to heal in its own way. But shouldn’t I be feeling something? Maybe annoyance or envy?sketch-doodles-confusion-29180497

It’s been this way for a while, and it puts a strain on your friendships when you don’t congratulate your friend. I can’t bring myself to do it anymore. I did for a bit, I forced myself to congratulate some of my friends when they announced their news, but now I can’t even force myself.

All I keep trying to remind myself is that it is not their fault. It’s not their fault I can’t be happy for them, even if they are family. I can’t bring myself to smile when they tell me themselves. Babies before Ryker I can smile at, play with and be happy for, yet when it comes to babies and pregnancies after Ryker, I can’t do it. I know this may sound horrible that I can’t be happy for someone else, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

There have been all kinds of announcements for friends that are moving on with their lives, however, I can’t yet bring myself to bring joy from them. I can’t do anything but feel nothing for them.


11 thoughts on “Not Another One…

  1. Hey…don’t beat yourself up for feeling or rather not having feelings for others right now….your mind and heart are processing the grief at its own pace… Nobody does the seven stages of grief the same or in order…since I am on my cell typing this I am not listing them…believe me one day without you even realizing it..a true happy thought and feeling will happen again…but not till your soul is done processing… Until then…give yourself a pass…..i will keep sending healing thoughts…..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Dneika ! I may not be able feel what you went through, but your indifference to news like these is very understandable and justifiable. I am sure no sane person would judge you for this and even if anyone does, I believe he or she doesn’t really deserve you congratulations.
    As they say, time heals everything. One just has to give Time, time 🙂
    Take care 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so raw on many levels, I found announcements hard when we were trying and since losing Robyn, I’ve no idea how I will react. But be kind to yourself, I think it’s a natural part of the course. Sending you lots of love xx

    Liked by 1 person

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