You feel it in your hands first, they get sweaty and tingly all at once, then it moves up your arm and you can feel the heat radiate to each part of your body, your chest starts to cave in on your heart and your heart rate speeds up, it almost feels like you’re having a heart attack. Shortness of breath makes you believe you’re going to suffocate with a room full of people around you and no one will notice. You start to feel nauseous and dizzy all at once. Then your throat starts to choke up and you can’t scream for help. There is no escape and that little nagging voice in your head tells you this is it.
It first started 2 months after Ryker had passed. First it was the sweaty palms, then the build up in the chest and then the heat gets turned up. My first anxiety attack came as a surprise. Maybe it was because I was numb the first two months or maybe there’s an unexplained reason why I started getting anxiety attacks.
All that detailed feeling comes within minutes and only lasts for minutes. There is no escaping it and there is no running from it. It finds’s you where ever you are, and it takes a hold of you. You fear for the next one and try to avoid all situations that might cause it to happen. You avoid friends in case it happens in front of them. And those you do tell, tell you to get help. But all you can think is how can anyone help me from my own mind?
Anxiety attacks are one of the least understood types of anxiety by those that have never experienced one. People picture them as being too nervous and experiencing a lot irrational fears. In reality, anxiety attacks are much more physical, and the symptoms can be so severe that they mimic deadly health disorders.
I am lucky in ways that I’ve only ever experienced this twice so far, and not like some parent’s that feel this every day. If you do experience any panic attacks don’t be afraid to contact someone for help. Because unless you do the feelings return and sometimes much faster and stronger than before.