A Title Worth of Hope

Hope. What a word. The longing or desire for something accompanied by the belief in the possibility of its occurrence. Pretty straight forward, right? Sometimes I don’t know. I’ve heard faith can do things when no one else can, but I don’t have faith. I’ve heard praying to God helps too, I don’t believe in God.  Maybe choosing to not be negativity is a route for me, unfortunately I’m not choosing to be this miserable, I’m grieving. So the only thing I have left is hope.  Hope that someday this will become easier. That someday I will be able to bare the thought my son not with me.

I try and remember the positives in life everyday; I have my partner Tim, our pets (A dog names Rogue and a cat named Skittles, along with Hermit Crabs that are named after the Land Before Time Crew, and the fish) I have my family even though most of them are across the country in Queensland. I have my friends, most are over in Queensland too. I have a roof over my head. My bills are paid. I have a few more weeks of parental leave yet. So what do I have to hope for?

I hope that I will learn to tell people without crying what happened to my son. I hope life is never this cruel again. I hope my flowers will grow. And I hope people will open up about Stillbirths and Miscarriages and Infertility along with SIDS. I hope one day I can share a photo of my boy and not worry that someone will be offended that the baby has died.

People hope every day, people have hope, people need hope and people inspire hope. I just anticipate the one day my hope will no longer be needed.

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3 thoughts on “A Title Worth of Hope

  1. As much as people write about overcoming adversity, it’s another thing to live with the loss of your precious baby boy and in terms of grief, that’s just right off the charts. Somehow, you need to find what works for you by taking incredibly small micro steps. That way you’ve know whether you are on the right path for you and your heart will guide you. What works for me, and is recommended in just about everything I read, is exercise. Get out of the house and go for a walk. Maybe make a list of places you’d like to go and cross one off a week. I love Cottesloe Beach and I also toured New Norcia and the monastry there. Maybe have a coffee in Freo. We’re still getting some lovely sun over in Sydney and it’s beautiful outside. It’s not going to take your grief away but it will help you get through walking these very, very hard yards. Take care. I’m thinking of you and your partner! xx Rowena

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    • Thank you for your advice Rowena. I’ve found that yoga and exercising my pooch tends to make me ‘feel better’. And I will take your advice on making a list of places to go, I think that is a wonderful idea.
      Perth is getting into it’s ‘wet season’ unfortunatley so that means there is still sun at the moment but it won’t last for much longer, however I don’t tend for that to stop me.
      Thank you so much again xxx

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      • The pooch is a great idea. Dogs are great healers and unlike so many people who supposedly speak the same language, they seem to get it without having things spelt out. If you look at some of the commenters on my blog, you’ll see a few dog blog people. There’s Max the Dog in Hawaii and I love him and also Tails Around the Ranch which is a therapy dog. I’m sure I was in WA for the wet season but can’t remember much of it. Really remember the soaring heat and the Fremantle Doctor coming through in the afternoon.

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