Just a Room

The cot is still up, the bassinet still assembled. The changing table still sits in the corner of his room, with his baby bath sitting neatly underneath. His drawers are filled with baby clothes from 0000 to 1’s. His books are waiting to be read, with his stuffed toys waiting to be played with. The play mat’s lying on the ground patiently hoping to be used. The blue growth chart that his Aunty bought him is still hanging on the wall with no markings. This is some of the things stuffed into Ryker’s room at the moment, everything.

I’ve been told not to rush. But is there such a thing as grieving too slow? I’ve been into Ryker’s bedroom which is stuffed with all his things maybe once or twice. But each time was only to either put something in there or to take something out. I’ve not looked around; I’ve not even grabbed his unused nappies out to give to someone in need.

I can’t agree with what to do with his room, do I pack everything away, do I sell everything, or do I leave it as is. How do you decide what to do with a room? I know sooner or later I will have to decide, most likely sooner, but what do you do with a room that was meant to be being used?

All Ryker’s little things like towels, face washers, shampoo and conditioner, baby soap, baby washing liquid, his pram, his high-chair and even his car seat are in that room. Toy’s he wouldn’t of been able to play with for at least a couple more months are in his room. Then there’s the two nappy bags that where half already ready to be used.The bottle steamer and all his bottles, baby cook books and baby gates.

My life was prepared for Ryker, I had everything I would ever possibly need ready for Ryker. So what do you do when your life is prepared and you’re not ready to move on?


11 thoughts on “Just a Room

  1. you take your time and when your ready you will know what to do…. Don’t ever rush into something that is as painful as packing up a soace that should been used not just sitting there….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. To press the “like” button doesn’t feel right, because I don’t like this event for you at all.

    “How does one decide what to do with a room?” Wow.

    You are right. Grieving is healing. & it is a long, often very long and arduous process. It is one of the most essential acts of being alive.

    To be in its necessary messiness, its immediacy and its longsuffering tenacity is to be incompacitated, uprooted, disoriented and completely vulnerable.

    In this culture, being this way is often quite inconvenient for others, making them run from your sorrow like a deadly disease, lest it open their own aching hearts.

    I grieve openly with you. So do poets like Edward Hirch in his Elegy, Gabriel.

    Peace be with you as you enter the rooms of grief, wailing. May Great Spirit meet you there.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, grief is a tormented feeling that takes on many faces, stages and lives. Im paddling through my grief along with people from around the world, and openly welcome grievers from all backgrounds and ways of life. Thank you for being there as I take my first steps to opening my heart about this tormenting grief.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Though I’m not much of the talker especially when it comes to family arguments or decisions and so forth and I’ve been in the background along this hard road you have to endure along with your partner. All I can recommend is you take it slow and make your decisions as they come along but remember just because your making a decisions doesn’t mean you will loose what Ryker means to you. And though you are riddled with distress and pain you are far stronger than you feel and we will always be there to say I love you.sorry I cut it short but it 1:30 in the morning 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The experience of grief is lifelong.
    No can tell you when it should end.
    It is an intensely personal journey.
    With family and friends supporting, the pain is eased a little.
    Only you will decide what to do with the room.
    And your decision will be the right one.
    You will decide when you are ready.
    Take care of yourself x

    Liked by 1 person

  5. The pain truely does never leave, but the moments of joy that are created from family, friends and strangers the pain does ease.
    I just hope the right decision comes easy, and that I don’t battle myself for days, weeks or months.

    Be kind to yourself and take care xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss of precious Ryker. I had the same situation–a nursery full of everything and then the baby boy lost. Mine was Luke, almost 2 years ago now. I left everything as is because I couldn’t bear to put it away. It is all now being used by his little brother, who is 8 months old, which is wonderful. Take your time and you will know what to do when the time is right. Saying a prayer for your comfort.


    • Thanks Sara, I’m so glad you got your rainbow baby. I know that doesn’t replace your Luke, but he is a much deserved sibling for Luke.
      I am so so sorry for your loss of what I am sure was a beautiful Luke.
      Dneika X


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