I never wanted to be a mum until I fell pregnant with my son Ryker Jon. Pregnancy it’s self had not been a problem for me, but the ending result has made my life at present, to be put simply, hell. You see the day my son was born was also the he left. Ryker Jon was stillborn at 40 weeks and 4 day on the 19th January 2015. It has nearly been 4 months, 4 month of agony and disbelief. I think I was numb for the first 2 months, I was able to leave the house and socialize, and yet that numbness left eventually and that’s when the real pain starts. Everyone has moved on. As simple as it is everyone needs to move on. Just because they have doesn’t mean you have, and trying to start a new life with the new ‘normal’ is hard. I don’t know how I am going to do it; I don’t know how I am living day-to-day most of the time. So this is my story of my grief and how I’m trying to heal. I don’t know how, but I need to start somewhere.